Always
by Akai-neechan
Summary: I was happy... We were happy... Why did you have to go and ruin it like this, why? Why did it have to go this far? RoyxEd OOC
1. Prologue

**Always**

**Ed ****POV**

I storm in the house and hit the door so hard that the handle almost makes a hole in the wall. But I don't care, I don't care about anything in this house anymore!

It's your house, Roy! Or should I say General Mustang! Oh, how I can't stand this place anymore! It's all your fault!

You double-crossing two-timing jerk! How could you!?

_I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"__  
__It's telling me all of these things__  
__That you would probably hide__  
__Am I your one and only desire__  
__Am I the reason you breathe,__  
__Or am I the reason you cry_

I wouldn't have believed it hadn't I seen it with my own eyes. You're dating a girl… How could you do this to me!? If you weren't happy… you could have at least said it, damn it! You could have said something!

Maybe you were just using me to calm you desires. Yeah, that's what it has to be. Or you don't want people to know you're going out with a guy…

No, you could've simply said it if it was that last thing. You could have just mentioned something!

But you attitude never changed. Does that mean you've been seeing her from the start!? This is driving me crazy! I don't want to see you again! Never again!

_Always, always, always,__  
__I just can't live without you!_

And to think I let myself fall for that "I'll always be here for you" thing.

Well why aren't you here now, wise guy? I'll tell you why, because you're out there with that chick checking out her ass and buying her jewelry. That's why.

Because you didn't even care, you never cared! You were at work six days of the week and now, on your only free day you come to me and claim you were called again.

Well, that was the last straw! You crossed the line! Lying to me straight to the face like that… I'll never, never forgive you!

_I love you!__I hate you!__  
__I can't get around you!__  
__I breathe you,__I taste you!__  
__I can't live without you!I just can't take anymore__  
__This life of solitude__  
__I guess then I'm out that door__  
__And now I'm done with you!_

As I march up the stairs I can practically hear my footsteps echo in the empty house. Empty, because you're out with her, and not here with me. Empty, because I was naïve enough to believe I was enough for you.

I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have never told you my real feelings. That way you wouldn't have been able to stick a knife so deep in my back, that way you wouldn't have been able to break my heart.

That way I would have been happy just dreaming of what it could be and you would have been happy with that little Barbie girl you've got. It would've been all right if I hadn't said those words.

It's the first time I regret saying something this much. And you know what? I won't let you do this to me ever again.

_I feel, like you don't want me around__  
__I guess I'll pack all my things__  
__I guess ill see you around__  
__It's all, been bottled up till now__  
__As I walk out your door__  
__All I can hear is the sound of_

I could stand all of your flirting, it was just your normal behavior, I knew that. I believed that.

But this, this is on a completely different level. This is too much. I'll absolutely never forget what you did and I'll get you back for all of it, no matter what I have to do!

Finally, the door to our- to your room. As soon as I get my things I'll never have to go back in here. That'd be perfect, you know, I don't even want to see that stupid bed and the picture on it.

A picture of the two of us.

_Always, always, always,__  
__I just can't live without you!_

How could you do this, Roy?

When you said all of those things I thought you were actually being honest for once. That there weren't any hidden intentions behind them. That you really loved me or at least cared for me.

Why did you say it if you planned on breaking me later? Why did you do it?

I guess this is the game you play. The game trough which you put any of your girlfriends. I guess I was just like all of them just held around so that you'd have a good reputation.

And that's what's making me this mad. I was a fool to believe this was different and now I see how wrong I was.

_I love you,__I hate you,__  
__I can't get around you!__  
__I breathe you,__I taste you,__  
__I can't live without you!__  
__I just can't take anymore__  
__This life of solitude__  
__I guess that I'm out the door__  
__And now I'm done with you._

I pull the suitcase from under the bed and start throwing my clothes in.

I don't know what I'll do after I get out of here. Probably just go back to Resembool and live with All. He's quite happy with Winry and I'm glad for those two. I just wish my life wasn't as messed up as this.

And it wouldn't be if it weren't for you. It's all your fault! This is all your fault!

_I love you,__I hate you,__  
__I just can't live without you._

"Ed? What are you doing?"

I freeze. Maybe I should have stopped fussing and paid attention to what was going on around me.

You're here, standing at the door with that look of confusion and what I now know is fake worry.

Why didn't you stay with her just for a little while, why did you have to come here!?

"Get out of my face." My voice is threatening and to emphasize my words I shut the suitcase and turn towards the door where you're standing. "And out of my way!"

"Edward what's-"

"Just get away from me!" I can't stand it any more. My shout obviously had effect on you, but not the desired effect, actually.

Now you're coming in the room. I don't want you here, damn it, I just want you to disappear and never com back again!

Why won't you grant me that little wish? Why!?

_I wrap my hand around your heart,__  
__Why would you tear my world apart?__  
__Always, always, always, always._

"Don't tell me you…" Realization strikes your face as you speed your pace towards me. "You saw me with…"

You're not denying it. You're actually not denying it! That's it! I can't take it anymore.

Before I even realize what I'm doing I grab the gun that usually stays on the bedside table and point it towards you holding it with two surprisingly steady hands.

"I told you to get out of my face. Don't you dare come any closer," I can't believe my own voice is so steady and calm. I guess that's what too much anger does to you.

But at least now I succeeded in stopping you. You froze in you place and are staring at me right now.

I can't stand that stare of yours, why do you have to make everything so hard, damn it! What did I do to you, to make you do this!?

"Just listen to me, Ed, it's not what it looked like, I understand that you're upset, but let me-"

"-explain? Let you explain?" I'm starting to shake with fury again. "What? How you've been dating her from the start? Or how you were just using me? Or were you using her, because I wasn't enough? I don't need you to explain any of this, I know it already!"

"Ed, just put the gun down and listen-"

"Shut up, just SHUT UP!'

BANG!

_I see, the blood all over your hands__  
__Does it make you feel, more like a man?__  
__Was it all, just a part of your plan?__  
__The pistol's shakin' in my hands__  
__And all I hear is the sound!_

I… I pulled… the trigger…

The gun falls from my shaking hands as I see you hold your left side with blood dripping from between your fingers.

My look of disbelief is perfectly mirrored on your face for the time you managed to keep your ground.

Then you fell to the floor and a puddle of your own blood started forming around you.

My breaths get out in raged pants as my mind starts to grasp what just happened.

I'm shaking again, but this time not with anger. Is it regret? Or…fear?

I swallow, taking a step back from the fallen pistol.

What have I done? What have I done!?

Just when I start to panic another sound gets my attention and before I know it I see Riza running to your side.

_I love you,__I hate you,__  
__I can't live without you!__  
__I love you,__I hate you,__  
__I can't live without you.__  
__I just can't take anymore__  
__This life of solitude__  
__I pick myself off the floor,__  
__And now I'm done with you._

She's screaming your name and telling you to 'hold on'. Hold on to what? I just shot you… I just…

I'm crying again. I can feel the tears sliding down my cheers like burning rivers. I haven't cried in a long time, you know.

I didn't have a reason. After all of the problems were taken care of, after the Homunculi were defeated…

I was happy… Here, with you… Going back to Resembool from time to time to see everyone… I was happy… We were happy…

Why did you have to go and ruin it like this, why!? Why did it have to go this far?

"Edward… why did you do it?"

I'm snapped out of my thoughts by her question. She's already bandaged the wound somehow, but what would that help? Even if you go to the hospital it would bee too late.

I killed you… Why did I kill you?

I can't take her accusing stare any more. I just can't. Finally my feet are listening to me as I turn around and run out trough the window.

I can still hear her yelling behind me, but there is only one thing ringing in my ears right now…

_**Always,**__** a**__**lways,**__** a**__**lways.**_


	2. I hear, a voice say Don't be so blind

_A/N; Ok, I planned to put this and the next chapter in one, but they ended up separate… At least I won't have to change the POV in the middle of it all… I hope you like it this far, I'll do my best to keep it up and update fast and until the please R&R I need to know your view of this, though I've decided all that's going to happen until the end. I just want to hear your opinion – the reader's point of view is the most important thing for me. _

**Always**

**Chapter 1: ****I hear, a voice say "Don't be so blind"**

**Ed POV**

I still can't believe I did that. How could I… How could I shoot him? Sure, I was angry, even mad, but… that wasn't a good enough reason. How could I do it? I…

When did I become like this? When did things go that far? Even I can't understand it…

Damn it… Why did it have to get that way?

I can't even go back to Resembool now. What am I supposed to tell All? _'Hi there, bro. I just killed the General so I'm moving back in. How's life been?'_

I really am a complete idiot, aren't I?

It's already been a day since then… I wonder what Lieutenant Hawkeye did with you… I wonder if she really got you to the hospital.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. Not that I had a place to sleep in, anyway, but…

Every time I close my eyes you're there. Every time I see again and again how the blood drips from between your fingers.

Every time I see how I killed you.

I can't forgive myself. I never will, I know. This time I went too far and I don't even think I can look at anyone right now…

Because all of the people that can help me know about _us_. They all know how happy I- _we_ were… None of them will be able to understand me. None of them will forgive me.

I ruined everything, didn't I?

"Edward!" Oh no, not the Lieutenant! Not her! I can't see her now!

Just when I turn to run and the sound reaches me. That same soft 'click' that readying a gun always produces.

She's got the perfect chance to shoot. To kill me. At least this Hell would end. I never thought that it'd be so hard without you. Maybe if she shoots me…

"You have no idea how hard it is for me not to pull the trigger and make you realize just what you did, Edward," her voice sounds calm and collected… She really is a professional.

"Then why don't you do it, Lieutenant? I deserve it, anyway," I bow my head, still not turning towards her. I can't stand facing anybody, especially her.

"You don't understand it, do you, Edward? The General isn't dead." My eyes snap open and I twirl so suddenly that I have her on guard with the gun right in front of my face.

"He's not… I didn't…" I didn't kill you… I didn't kill you! I…. I can't believe that! Then… then you got treated, right? You're fine, right? You're going to be alright! I didn't kill you!

"Why did you do it?" The sudden relief is suddenly buried deep within me as the topic I wanted to get away from is thrown right at me. "Answer me, Edward!" I can't help but flinch at her tone.

"He was cheating on me and I saw it with my own eyes," As soon as the thought rushed back in the anger came with them. I still haven't forgiven you! I don't think I ever will.

"You stupid boy!"What was… that…? Huh!? "Don't be so blind! Since when did the General become a two-timer in your eyes!? He never did such a-"

"No, stop defending him! I saw it with my own eyes, _my own two eyes_!" I'm loosing my temper again, but… I can't stand her defending you! She didn't see you there with that woman flirting with her, smiling at her, running after her like a good little puppy!

"That was a part of his job!" Oh, so it was a part of his-

Wait, "WHAT!?"

"She was a suspect. As soon as he saw the name he recognized her as one of his many… fans. So he took it upon himself to get her to confess her crime so that she could be put in jail. That's why he did it."

Your… job…

You did that because of the police? Because of a crime?

You weren't cheating on me? You weren't a two-timer?

Then… what did I shoot you for? Why did I do all of that!? I should have… at least listened to you… Why was I such a hardheaded idiot!? Why did I ruin everything?

I can't believe I really did that! I can't believe it!

My hands rise to clench my head, my eyes tightly shut as I try to pry the tears away.

How could I have been such an idiot? How could I have been so blind!?

"If he had only told me sooner…" In the end I can't help but think that, too. The fault wasn't only mine. You were wrong, too. You should have never kept that from me. You should have never lied-

"_I'm sorry __Ed, but I just received a call – I have to go to work."_

Go… to work…

My eyes snapped open as the realization hit me.

You never lied. It was true that you were working even though it was a different kind of work…

And those nights you came back too late… You must have been with her again… You must have been at work again…

Why didn't I believe you!?

In the end I ruined it all, didn't I? I guess I really am a stupid boy…

Suddenly her voice snapped me from my painful thoughts with the most unexpected proposal:

"Do you want to talk with him?"


	3. Why would you tear my world apart?

**Always**

**Chapter 2: ****Why would you tear my world apart?**

**Roy POV**

Those hospital beds aren't comfortable at all. You would think they'd give their shot patients better care…

Well I can't really complain – the doctors did save me… Though I still have that hole in my shoulder, but it'll heal.

What probably won't is the pain… And I'm not talking about the pain from the wound.

I never thought you could shoot me. I never believed you had it in you… But more than that I never thought you'd shoot _me_.

I could understand you were angry, mad even… Why didn't you at least let me explain everything? You were so fast to jump to conclusions… If you had only listened things wouldn't have gone this far.

I should have told you earlier, I know. I should have never kept it a secret…

Maybe you would have gotten angry then, but things would have never gone this far…

And to think that I'm sitting in a hospital bed, shot in the left shoulder because of something I could have prevented with a few words…

I turn as there's a knock on the door and telling the person – probably the nurse – to come in, the door opens slowly.

I must be seeing things…

By 'things' I mean you. Your figure walking trough the hospital door with your eyes averted somewhere towards the walls and…

Riza coming in after you. That explains everything. I should have guessed she'd go to find you.

Though I can never express how grateful I am to her – she saved my life and it's not like it's the first time, too. Seriously, if that woman wasn't right behind me, I'd never gotten this far.

But now it's not about her. I can easily guess she got you to talk to me, but insisted to stay in here with us – she's not one to take such risks. Not after what happened just yesterday.

"I see you're…" I raise a brow at your sudden words. And at your hesitation. "… alive."

"Disappointed?" And it's not just another irony-filled rhetorical question. I want to know. I need to know what you're thinking, Ed.

Are you still angry with me? Did you really want to shoot me? How far would have things gotten if you hadn't pulled the trigger?

I want to know, I need to know.

Why would you tear our world apart?

You finally look at me at that single word I ask. It seams you're still angry, if I can tell by that look in your eyes. And I can, since it's not the first time I've seen it.

But yesterday was the first time it was directed towards me.

"Do I look disappointed to you?" You're practically growling at me… Not a hard question to answer.

"Yes, in fact, you do."

"What do you think I felt like, anyway? What would you have done in that situation, damn it!?" You can't scare me even when you bare your fangs at me, Edward. I know you're all bark and no bite.

At least… I _knew_ that.

"I would try to think things trough calmly and in the end at least give you a chance to explain the-"

"You're making it sound like it's as simple as a part of your job, but guess what, it wasn't!" You're screaming again. You've never screamed at me like that… "Why didn't you tell me beforehand that it was a part of your job?"

"I tried, but do you think it's that easy with a gun-"

"I MEANT BEFORE IT GOT TOO LATE! Why didn't you tell me before that!?"

"Why, so you can shoot me when Riza wasn't around?"

Well, that shut you up…

"Do you not understand how far you went, Edward? Being angry is one thing, but shooting at me? Tell me, what would have happened if she wasn't there?" You can't say it, can't you? You can't voice that… But I can. "You would have killed me, that's what."I can see you flinching as your eyes wondered around the room again.

"Fine then." You turn away and start walking out of the door…

"Where are you going?"

You don't answer. You just leave the room and lightly close the door, but it's more than obvious you were fighting against the urge of shutting it.

"Sir," Riza, who hardly stood beside the door and observed the situation, saluted me in a simple request for permission.

"Go ahead, Lieutenant."

"With all due respect, sir, I think you went a little too far. Edward is still young, he makes mistakes-"

"And like a person who makes mistakes, he must learn to deal with them and not run away from them."

"Since when did Edward become a person who can't face his mistakes? Have you forgotten all he and Alphonse did on their own to do just that – correct their own mistake?"

"He became like that ever since _that_ mess ended," I've already learned how to see trough her mask and can clearly spot her confusion. She couldn't know, she wasn't there. "Ever since the Homunculi he changed and he started running from his problems. Why do you think he left? Edward isn't the same person he was before."

"Did his father's death strike him that much?" There's that softness in her eyes. She sure has a soft side for you, you must be grateful. Only a little number of people had been able to really get to her.

"It's not only his death. He still blames it on his hardheaded efforts to do it all himself. He got burned and doesn't wish to risk it another time."

She's quiet for a moment. She might never be able to understand it, since she didn't see you back then, but she's doing her best to help you, I can see that. But you need to get back to the way you were, Edward. You can't forget what facing from your mistakes is. I won't let you.

"Do you think he will come back?"The question is sudden and unexpected… Do I really?

"That's up to him to decide."


End file.
